12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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