I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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