Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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