I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
