Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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