i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
