Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
