Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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