i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The power of my boobs compel you
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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