im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
