I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
