Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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