it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
