Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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