matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
