last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
is that a dick in a sweater?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
