It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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