so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
