@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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