I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
God, you're like boner-b-gone
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
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