Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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