He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
