My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
