You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
