i jhust puked up my retainher.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
