you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
