I wanna bring you to show and tell
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
