i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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