I am puke
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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