epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
