What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize