Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
