I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
