please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
