so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
