You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
