I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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