dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
