Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
