Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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