he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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