Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
