i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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