You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
