Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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