I just saw a hot homeless man
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.