Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
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We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
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Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself