i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?