Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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