I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
