I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just googled if crying burns calories
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Randomize
