I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
