omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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