So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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