anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
