that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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