I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
