i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
