I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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