Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
