When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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